Children don’t have to be physically abused to be hurt by domestic violence.
They may hear an argument from another room. See one parent hurt or threaten the other. Lie awake at night wondering what’s going to happen next. And the next morning, they’re still expected to get up, go to school, and make it through the day.
An estimated 15 million children in the United States live in homes where domestic violence has happened at least once. Here in our own community, Bethany House supported children and families dealing with that reality throughout 2024. We provided shelter to 36 youth, while another 63 received support through StepUP and Aftercare.
The violence may be happening between adults, but children are living through it, too.
There’s no single way a child responds to violence at home. What you notice may depend on their age and what they’re going through.
Young children may start doing things they had already grown out of, like wetting the bed. They may become more anxious when separated from a parent or have trouble sleeping.
As children get older, the effects may start showing up at school. A child may blame themselves for what’s happening at home. Their grades may drop, and they may pull away from friends or have trouble maintaining friendships.
Teenagers may respond by acting out or withdrawing. Some may fight, skip school, or take risks that could put them in danger. Others may become quiet and isolated. Girls are more likely than boys to withdraw and experience depression. But there isn’t one way a young person will react to violence at home.
What happens at home doesn’t always stay there. The effects can follow a child into school, friendships, and eventually adulthood.
The 2024 Economic Impact of Intimate Partner Violence in Ohio report estimates that a child exposed to domestic violence can experience more than $50,000 in lifetime economic losses by age 65. Across Ohio, child welfare costs related to intimate partner violence total an estimated $34.6 million each year.
Behind those numbers are children whose experiences at home can affect their education, relationships, health, and future opportunities.
A teacher may be one of the first people to realize something isn’t right.
Kids spend most of their day at school. When something changes at home, that change can follow them into the classroom.
A once outgoing student may suddenly become withdrawn. Another may start fighting, falling behind in class, or seeming afraid to go home. A falling grade may look like a school problem. A fight may look like a behavior problem. Sometimes, they’re signs that a child is carrying something much bigger.
These signs don’t prove that domestic violence is happening. Many things can cause changes in a child’s mood, behavior, or school performance. But they’re a reason to pay attention and respond with care.
When a child is living with domestic violence, the first instinct may be to figure out exactly what’s happening and who needs to be called. But teachers don’t need to investigate. They need to notice, listen, and know when to bring in the right support.
Witnessing violence between adults at home isn’t necessarily the same as experiencing direct abuse or neglect. Treating every situation as identical can sometimes create more problems for a family that’s already trying to find safety.
An immediate call to Child Protective Services when there isn’t suspected child abuse or neglect may put the parent trying to protect the child under even more pressure. It may also make families experiencing domestic violence more hesitant to reach out for help.
That’s why a domestic violence advocate can be an important resource. They understand the complicated situations families may be facing and can help them think through what comes next with their safety in mind.
That doesn’t change a teacher’s legal responsibilities. Ohio teachers are mandated reporters. Under Ohio law, certain professionals acting in their official capacity must immediately report known or suspected child abuse or neglect to the appropriate public children services agency or a peace officer.
The point isn’t to avoid making a required report. It’s to recognize that not every sign of a hard home life tells you exactly what’s happening. When there are no signs of suspected child abuse or neglect that require a report, a domestic violence advocate can help the family decide on the safest next steps.
Children who witness domestic violence may carry the effects into the classroom, their friendships, and their lives long after the violence occurs. But the adults around them can notice when something has changed and connect their families with support.
If you’re concerned about a child or family affected by domestic violence, you don’t have to figure out the next step alone. Visit the resources section of the Bethany House website to find organizations and services that can help.